Change

I remember the first time I rearranged my room. I remember my parents were supposed to be gone for most of the night and they left me and my friend there alone. Once they left, she and I started moving my dresser and my nightstand. I had a huge queen size water bed so we couldn't really move that. We took all the drawers out of the dresser and night stand because they were too heavy to move otherwise. They were all stacked and piled on my bed. The shelves with all of the cat figurines would have been covered by the new placement of my dresser so they were all off the wall and awaiting their new location. It was a mess. You couldn't get in or out cause there was stuff everywhere. My parents came back because they forgot something. My dad came barging into my room but he couldn't even open the door all the way. He stuck his head in and saw the mess. I saw the look on his face and I was glad it was him that came in and not my mom. I knew my neat freak mom would have had a heart attack if she saw that mess. But I knew I was in big trouble because I knew what my dad would tell my mom as soon as he got back in the car and they left again. And I get my tendency to exaggerate from my dad, so hard telling how much more he exaggerated what a mess was in that room. As he left I looked at my friend and expressed with urgency that we had to finish before my parents returned. We would not even be stopping to order pizza with the money my mom left until this room was done and completely spotless. Eventually, we finished. The room was spotless and we could finally sit down, get out of the hot room, relax and enjoy the rest of the night. I was pleased with the results. It was then, at that exact moment, as I took a step back to look at my new room and admire our work, that I realized something big. I realized that change isn't so bad. Why had my room been exactly the same for so long? I loved it now! Still the same room, the same stuff, but different. As an only child I sat around with the adults quite a bit. I heard a lot about change, how grown ups seemed to be afraid of it and not like it. But I decided that night that I liked change. I welcomed change from that night on. And I still do like change. I like surprises. I pride myself in the fact that I tend to be pretty adaptable. My room has never ever stayed the same for more than a year, I often change either the bedspread, patterns, colors, layout, furniture...anything! But in all honesty, who cares about all that. It doesn't matter. Its not a soteriological issue, and really only heart issues and the rest of eternity matter. But here I am, standing at a cross roads in my life. Change is all around me. I'm out of school, I'm starting a new job. Things are changing at church. My relationship with my family is changing. New friends are coming into my life, some old friends are coming back into my life. Some friends have left my life. I'm trying to stand firm on the Rock of my Salvation in the midst of this storm. But I feel as if I'm loosing my footing. I'm overwhelmed. I want nothing more than to just go home and crawl into bed at the end of the day. I don't want to go hang out with people, I want to pull my favorite blankets over my head, I want to sit in my familiar room, which btw has NOT been rearranged lately, and just melt. But then again I want to go out and get my mind off of things. But still, I crave something comfortable, something stable. But things are changing all around me, and its not necessarily a bad thing. It could be for the best. How adaptable am I really gonna be? Am I really welcoming all this change? No. I'm terrified. I'm scared to death. But yet God did not give me a spirit of fear. God is with me through it all. And as every foursquare church reminds me, Jesus Christ is the same yesterday today and forever. Finally something that is not changing. That will be with me through all of this change. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for whispering confidence to me in the midst of uncertainty. I know that if my entire life changes, you still love me. I love you Jesus. Hold me tight through this storm. Let me know you are with me and will protect me from the fierce storm. Help me to change. Help me to bend and flex, not break, in the wind. You give me strength Jesus. I can not do this, or anything without you. You give me boldness. You give me...me! because you give of your holy self to me, wholly, and completely. Thank you Lord, I love you!