Where Is The Peace Poem

Standing there,
In the middle of the room,
Shear and utter chaos.
The yelling, the screaming…
The vengeful silence
Is what’s deafening!
Where is the peace?
The downward spiral,
As the world spins ‘round and round.
Ounce for ounce and pound for pound.
Daddy don’t you see,
What you’ve done to me?
The daughter a cutter,
This time it’s baby boy
Who’s kicking the dog.
The name brand wine bottle,
For display only...
Yet the cork’s been violated.
A dry drunk for so many years,
But like the hidden whiskey bottle,
That has gone down the drain.
Disappointment, fear and embarrassment,
Her eyes throw daggers,
Emotions stronger than lust.
This life’s not just,
Where is the peace?
She’s all grown up now,
Knock, Knock,
He smiles, she melts
He’s cute and he’s sweet,
In he comes.
Eyes unfocused,
Hair unkempt,
It’s been a week since he’s slept.
Collapsed veins,
Pink tract marks,
His arms show
The tell-tale signs,
Slamming needles, left and right.
“It’ll be different this time,
I promise baby!”
Can she win this fight?
She cries herself to sleep at night,
The muffled sounds,
The sobs she suffocates.
He’s gone out again,
Don’t know if he’ll ever come home.
Where is the peace?
Baby boy, what has he done?
Click, click, press and hold,
Push play, check out that centerfold.
He hates this disease, truth be told.
His eyes begin to roll
Into the back of his head,
Release is coming but takes it’s toll,
No rest ‘til his spirit’s dead.
Where is the peace?
Knock, Knock
Its back to day one.
Not this time,
No you can’t come in!
She watched her mum,
She takes a stand, she’s not dumb.
Daddy has made her numb.
“My kids won’t know that pain!”
You stay out there with daddy,
“I can’t do this, I won’t!”
Even if it means being alone.
It’s at this decision a light breaks in,
Through her darkness it invades,
The surrender takes over,
Hands held high, collapsed to her knees,
Hope rushes in, she knows it’s done.
And what’s this, joy in the form of tears?
At the easing of all her fears,
And the pastor says amen,
She has found her Prince,
Here is her Peace!

Name/Identity Poem

Hello, my name is…
Mychelle,
Reads the sticky label on my shirt.
So, why do you continue
To place a different set of labels on me?
“Only God can judge me”
Is scripted around his neck,
Yet he sits there, trying to dethrone Him.
I am you and you are me!

Then there are the allies,
My support in this War.
They each hold their own set of labels,
Loyal, leader, quiet, shy…
No, no that’s not me!
I’m just a simple girl,
I am a listening friend.
A shoulder to cry on,
But there I go again,
Crossing out Mychelle
To replace it with a new word.
I am you and you are me!

Then there is the derogatory manner,
In which I refer to myself.
A cutter, the daughter
Of an abusive alcoholic,
A fat disappointment.
Now I’m the one in the long black robe,
Pounding the gavel,
“Guilty!” I declare,
As I put on the boxing gloves
And continue to beat myself up.
That’s who I was, not who I am,
And yet in continues to haunt me!
I am you and you are me!

In all reality, I am the one
With the power to observe.
I hear the pitter-pat-pat,
Of the rain gently flooding the gutters.
I am able to talk and communicate,
With a friendly face on the bus.
I stoop to observe a colony of ants,
Quickly and quietly going about their work.
I feel love, jealousy and anguish,
And I am able to understand these feelings.
I smell the sweet aroma of someone’s BBQ
On a warm Sunday afternoon.
I mourn for a friend, an innocent girl
Killed so young.
I bite into a bright red apple,
And taste the sweet juices
That flood my mouth.
I get down on my knees,
And come before my Lord.
I am you and you are me!

I feel so many things
So many things that no matter
How eloquent I typically am with words,
I could never fully capture on paper.
And what I feel, you shall feel.
Worlds apart but not that different are we?
Homo-sapien, human being, young woman.
I celebrate myself!
I am the one who has the choice,
To laugh or cry today.
What will you choose?
Or are you one of the people
That neither cries nor laughs?
I’m sure you have no need to breathe,
To think or blink nor even to live.
Like the crimson fire
flowing through your veins,
You’ve done away with all that non-sense,
To replace it with a more advanced
State of being and way of life.
Mychelle is who I am,
Who am I?
I am you and you are me!

Excuse Me, Are You Jesus?

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago . They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner. In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly missed boarding. ALL BUT ONE !!! He paused, took a deep breath, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned.

He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor.

He was glad he did.

The 16 year old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her, no one stopping and no one to care for her plight.

The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display. As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket.

When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, 'Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did. Are you okay?' She nodded through her tears. He continued on with, 'I hope we didn't spoil your day too badly.'

As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, 'Mister......' He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, 'Are you Jesus?'

He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered. Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: 'Are you Jesus?' Do people mistake you for Jesus?

That's our Destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace.

If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would.
Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church. It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day.

You are the apple of His eye even though we, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked you and me up on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit.

Beautiful Disaster

She loves her mama's lemonade,Hates the sound that goodbyes make.She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.She swears that there's no difference,Between the lies and compliments.It's all the same if everybody leaves her.And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,The pictures that she's seen make her cry.And she would change everything, everything just ask her.Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,And she just needs someone to take her home.She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.She never stays the same for long,Assuming that she'll get it wrong.Perfect only in her imperfections.She's not a drama queen,She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen, but tiredShe would change everything for happy ever after.Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,But she just needs someone to take her home.'Cause she's just the way she is, but no ones told her that's OK.And she would change everything, everything just ask her.Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,And she would change everything for happy ever after.Caught in the in-between, a beautiful disaster,But she just needs someone to take her homeAnd she just needs someone to take her home.

Motions

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

I Will Not Quit

I will not quit

I will not be moved

I’m a blood washed born-again Child of God

I refuse to lose

I am unshakeable

I’m a threat to the devil

I’m a Holy Ghost Baptized Powerhouse

Full of signs and wonders and miracles

Everything I set my hand to do is blessed.

Walk A Lil' Straighter Daddy

I remember looking up to him,

And I remember most of the time he wasn't there.

I'd be waiting at the door, when he got home at night,

He'd pass me by to go pass out in his chair.

And I'd sing...

Walk a little straighter daddy, you're swaying side to side.

Your foot steps make me dizzy and no matter how I try,

I keep tripping and stumbing, if you'd look down here you'd see

Walk a little straighter daddy, your leading me.

He stumbled into the gym on graduation day,

And I couldn't help but feel so ashamed.

And I wasn't surprised a bit when he didn't stay,

He stumbled out before they called my name,

and I thought...

Walk a little straighter daddy, you're swaying side to side.

It's not just me whose watching, you've caught everybody's eye.

And you're tripping and stumbling and even though I've turned 18,

Walk a little straighter daddy, you're still leading me.

The old man's still like he always was, but I love him anyway.

If I've learned one thing from him its my kids will never have to sing...

Walk a little straighter daddy, you're swaying side to side.

Your foot steps make me dizzy, and no matter how I try,

I keep tripping and stumbling, if you'd look down here you'd see.

Walk a little straighter daddy, you're leading me.

Yeah, walk a little straighter daddy, you're leading me.

A Camel's Hump

"Do not free a camel from the burden of his hump for in doing so you may be freeing him from being a camel."

What's your hump?

Missions, youth, my parents...

Imagine if we were all freed from our burden! What if the thorn in Paul's side was removed? What if the cup were passed from Jesus as He prayed in the garden!

We all have a God-given hump, a burden He has placed on our hearts and it was put there for a reason. It is what defines us and if it were removed we would lose our purpose, even possibly lose ourselves all together.

Obama Obama Obama

Lord Jesus,

I just come before you to thank you for you are a holy God. You are mighty and you reign on high! Lord, I thank you for the government you have placed over me, just as your Word says, you have put the government over us and we need to submit to it as we submit to you. Lord, I know that you have a plan for everything! Lord, I pray for president Obama and I pray first and foremost for his salvation, secondly I pray for your divine guidance as he must make decisions that will impact all of our lives. Lord, I know that this is a hard time for all of us in this economy and I pray that you will speak to president Obama as to how to handle this tough situation. Lord I pray for his protection and safe keeping. Lord I thank you for all that you have done and I trust in your complete and perfect will at a time that nothing else can be trusted, a time when nothing else is secure but still your Word remains a true and firm foundation and those who believe in it will continue to stand strong. Lord, I love you. You are so good and so worthy. Its in your precious and holy name I pray, the sweet and powerful name of Jesus.

Amen

If You Could Say One Thing...

Its been almost a month since Ive written and I still feel the same way. Nothing has changed really. Its actually been a really long time since Ive written. I need to work on that. This one is bound to be long since there's so much going on in my head right now. The other day we were all playing 20 questions and someone asked me, "If I could say one thing to my parents what would it be..." Seeing as I have said a lot to them I decided to answer, "I just wish they'd understand." That's how I feel with my friends now. I just wish they would understand how bad it hurts to be excluded. If being excluded werent enough, I also get harassed because "I never hang out any more." Hmmm...when was the last time I said no I dont want to hang out? Its been quite a while. I hang out any time Im invited somewhere usually. Oh but see when was the last time I was actually invited to do something? hmm...yeah. Its been quite a while. I get ridiculed for going to hang out with "my Sacramento friends" but not being down to spend time with "my Lodi friends." I have an answer for that too....uh, probably because "my Sacramento friends" actually invite me to do things! Also, when Im with them in big groups I dont feel like Im left out and sitting there all alone in a group of people. Anyways, I sound bitter, maybe I am, mostly just hurt and confused though. Lonely even. Im told it seems I have a lot on my mind and that its not healthy for my to hold it all in like that. Im sure that it probably isnt healthy but I also dont believe in speaking when Im still upset by something because I know myself and I know it will come out a lot harsher than neccessary. Hurt people hurt people. I want to build people up, not tear them down with my words and I know I am very capable of doing some major damage with words alone. So I continue to be isolated. Oh well...God is still good...moving on...

"It is not the multitude of hard duties, it is not constraint and contention that advance us in our Christian course. On the contrary, it is the yielding of our wills without restriction and without choice, to tread cheerfully every day in the path in which Providence leads us, to seek nothing, to be discouraged by nothing, to seek out duty in the present moment, to trust all else without reserve to the will and power of God."

A quote I found. I dont know who said it. At first I kind of skimmed over it. Then I saw it again on another website. "...to be discouraged by nothing..." that part stands out to me. I want to strive to tread cheerfully everyday in the path God leads me, to seek nothing and to be discouraged by nothing. Joy was once so strongly ingrained in me. The joy of the Lord will be your strength. Its even tattooed on me. Joy. I think I may have allowed life to zap me of my joy. I remember people always commenting on "why are you always smiling" people used to get mad at me for smiling so much believe it or not, they thought I was up to no good or something I dont know. I pray that my joy would be restored and that nothing would be able to discourage me. That's probably half my problem. Im allowing the decisions choice and actions of my friends, mere humans, discourage me. I serve a good God!!!! What the crap is my problem?! Why do I have anything to be discouraged about for my God is for me and not against me!

Its a constant battle, my spirit with my flesh. Theyre always yelling at each other in my head. Constant war, its exhuasting but yet I cannot give in, I cannot yield or slow down I must fight every day every hour! I am on the winning side. I will be victorious! I just hope theres not too many casualties along the way!

I want to start writing more again. Maybe 1500 words a week. Thats a very realistic goal for now. Just the process of writing makes some of the stale stagnant creative juices start flowing again. I want to start writing dramas for the youth to perform. They can and will dramatically impact lifes through drama. I know they can, Ive seen them do it before and I believe in them. Now, if I could just believe in myself and in my God, the ultimate Creator, who lives in me we'd be changing the world one skit at a time! Little old Lodi, who woulda thought something good could come out of Lodi...thats like something good coming outta Nazareth. Oh wait...

I dont know why he's been on my heart so strongly!!! I fought to stay awake late Wednesday night to pray for him, my last concious minutes were spent praying for him. I may have even fallen asleep mid prayer. Thursday morning as I awoke, even before I was out of bed I was praying for him. Today I was praying for him and still hes on my heart. I dont know why hes on my heart so heavily but I pray that God continues to give me this kind of compassion burden and passion to see the lives of my youth change as they surrender to Him. I hope to see him back again on Wednesday, I would LOVE to see him there on Sunday even!

I WANT TO GO TO THAILAND I WANT TO GO TO THAILAND I WANT TO GO TO THAILAND I WANT TO GO TO THAILAND I WANT TO GO TO THAILAND I WANT TO GO TO THAILAND I WANT TO GO TO THAILAND I WANT TO GO TO THAILAND I WANT TO GO TO THAILAND! 

I was reading a preview of this book online today and it was talking about how God's call always seems to be in your face constantly reminding you what you need to do. Its funny because I hear Thailand all the time, every where I turn. Theres a special on TV bout it. There is an ad on the side of my myspace page advertising I can call Thailand for cheap. The characters from a favorite TV show take a trip to Thailand. Random people at the table next to me in a restaurant are talking about Thailand. I defininitely know that I am called to Thailand and I know I will be there, all in due time though. I just would really love to be there right now!

Well, I'd probably continue to write except the battery in my laptop is about to die soon.